I’m bilingual, but am I Arabic or English?

I am part of the 43 percent of the world’s population that is bilingual. If you are like me, you’ll know that people truly don’t understand the struggles of it, the in-our-head battles we have and the question we always ask ourselves: Where do I belong?
My mom is American and my dad is Saudi. That combination has served me well, with one exception: Language.
Language is one of the basics of life; without it, we are nothing. Despite being born and raised in Jeddah, my Arabic is mediocre at best. And, even though I was born and raised here — in a Saudi family with a Saudi father — I am fluent in English.
This always surprises people, and it shocks me too. Growing up with two languages brings up many obstacles that non-bilingual people simply can’t understand. The most profound struggle is understanding where you belong. Every language has a rich and deep culture behind it, but Arabic is perhaps the most culture-filled language. It is an expressive language, while English is more direct — there could not be two more diverse languages than these. English, however, is more global and, among expats and the youth, it is more widely recognized.
Given the culture behind each, and their profound differences, living with both is challenging. The biggest challenge, having lived here all my life, is knowing which one to use. In everyday conversations, at the store, pharmacy or hospital, I find myself using Arabic words in my English sentences. For some, that doesn’t seem like a big deal. However, it is the most heart-aching experience I go through every day.

The most profound struggle is understanding where you belong. Every language has a rich and deep culture behind it, but Arabic is perhaps the most culture-filled language.

Sami Fathi

I am Saudi, my language is Arabic, and finding myself using it with English takes away what makes it special: It takes away its culture and history.
The second biggest challenge is fitting into one of the two cultures. Every time I speak Arabic, I am part of that culture. When speaking English, I am part of a different culture.
For those who don’t get my point, I say this: Imagine being part of one culture in one half of a sentence and another in the other half.
Culture relates to how you act, speak and connect with others, so how can you be in two cultures at once?
There is a bright side, however. Saudi culture is accepting of this and never have I felt that I was offending anybody or embarrassed. Many in the Kingdom, including my school community, are in the 43 percent. I don’t want to speak for everyone, but for some this is not an issue. They are able to switch between two languages with ease and not feel a sense of emptiness.
However, like many things in the Kingdom, this is changing. Universities, institutions, companies and the Saudi culture are opening up to English. We understand that English is global, but we also have to understand that, as a society, learning English won’t make us any less Saudi.
For others like myself, it’s a different case — it’s a case of asking myself where do I belong? And am I Arabic or English?

• Sami Fathi is a high school student in Jeddah. He is a public speaker who participated in several platforms, including the UN in New York in 2015 and 2014 where he spoke about children’s right to education among other issues like famine and food wastage. Twitter: @sami_lf